Funny Graduation Stories

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Funny stories can live long in the memory of the audience.

I hope to give you some funny stories, and quotes, to help you make funny remarks in your speech or just enjoy graduation.

You may be able to add your own personal touch to make the stories more amusing.






Funny Stories



Below there are some funny stories which you can use if they fit your style.

Graduation Day

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural "she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

Parting Words

A college president discovers on his appointment calendar a graduate back to campus for his twenty-fifth reunion. “I just wanted to take a second,” said the graduate, “to thank you for the inspirational advice you gave me at Commencement 25 years ago!” “Why, thank you,” replied the college president, who, of course, could neither remember the graduate nor what he had said. “But perhaps you could refresh my memory. What did I say that inspired you so much?” At that, the graduate leaned forward in his chair, looked earnestly at the President, and said, “I’ve tried to live my life by these words: You shook my hand and said, ‘Keep moving. Keep moving!’ ”

Words of Wisdom

When things in your life seem almost to much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar........and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents of the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,there's always room for a couple of beers."

Here's To you!

Use these funny graduation stories as you wish, hopefully they can enhance your graduation speeches, and make you laugh too!



Funny Graduation Quotes 


You may choose to use some funny quotes. There are lots of them, I hope you like these samples:

“There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.” By Josh Groban

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.” By Ethel Barrymore

“Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back” Unknown Author

“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure” Unknown Author

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans” By John Lennon

"Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"" By Robin Williams



Funny Graduation Speeches 


There are a few speeches given in the past which are funny. The stories may help you create your own funny graduation stories.

  • Will Ferrell at Harvard 2003


  • Steve Colbert speaking at NU Graduation 2011


  • Amy Poehler Harvard Graduation Speech 2011


Some Graduation Jokes might help too!

I hope you have enjoyed these funny graduation stories. I hope the audience laugh at your funny graduation speeches.

Help other visitors enjoy graduation with your Funny Graduation Stories.

Do you have any funny graduation stories of your own. Send them in!



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